HER HEART, February 2025
her heart cannot take any emotions anymore the doctor said
no excitement from now on
no joy, no love, no frustration and so on...
neither frustration is allowed nor sadness
she cannot choose heartbeats over numbness
she was laying there
not knowing exactly what happened to her
trying to figure out how many days and hours passed
since her heart was taken over by a machine
by which her heartbeats were supressed
just to keep her anxiety busy
she started to count the days she spent to get rid of that numbness to avoid feeling things
it has been 75 years, 3 months, 56 days, 3 hours and 39 minutes
she,instead, was born to be a free spirit
a woman of joy
a woman of inspiration to those who don't see life as something to enjoy
she whispered songs and poems in their ears
those ears were the gateways to run away from her own fears
only that 28 hours spent in that hospital was when her heart started to feel her body
till then her hands, her arms, her waist and her lips always belonged to somebody
she tried to hug herself and that's when her heart almost stopped
that much of compassion was something she never knew, she felt trapped
her brain said run, her body said no
her heart was split/ paralyzed
didn't know where to go
all she could do was to cry in silence
closed her eyes and invited her childhood for a little dance
she was gonna feel sorry for herself
but chose to dance instead
with her childhood in her head
with one of her hands in her other hand