BREATH, February 2024
I saw all my years with you in your eyes.
I tried to stop hoping and trusting instead.
Yes, yes; in a split second it was as if I’d seen them all.
I wanted to live each day of, one by one.
Breathe.
I saw all your years with me in my own eyes.
Peace and worry struck me at the same time.
No, no; I didn’t freeze, I didn’t run.
I chose to face each of my fears, one by one.
Keep breathing.
I saw all our years together, that first day, in our eyes.
And now I’m staring from today
all the way back to that day.
Of course, of course; I only just realized what it was.
To survive, I quickly hid somewhere safe.
Hold your breath.
I got up, filled the tub with salt water.
Lit two, maybe three candles beside it.
While counting each of the 4,523 days that we’ve spent together,
I stared at my feet for a full hour.